I
I am
Separate, different, special
Way out front, way up high
Imprisoned in an ivory tower barbed by arrogance and defiance
Sealed from the inside by unknown fear
At my core the lava simmers, like a sleeping dragon

The Gift – a sliver of light penetrates the blackness – the dragon yawns
A crack in the multiple masks – a shard of love and authenticity demands explanation
Perhaps I am not that happy anymore, perhaps I am lonely
Perhaps the price of emotional paralysis is just too high
Perhaps I want to feel again after all

Lava rumbles in the distance
Old feelings ricochet off the outer most edges of silent denial
The leverage of pain prizes open the hairline fracture of love
The chameleon of fear hiding in the labyrinth camouflaged from comprehension
Shadowy figures, illusive memories, wave after wave of pain and confusion
I do not understand, I will never understand

Coaxed into the darkness by angels
Taunted, tempted, teased, lovingly nudged into the darkness by angels
The dragon wakes, the crater blows
Lava pours down my face incinerating the illusion like acid through steel
I taste the tears of truth, the masks slip away and the tower falls
Shattering into a thousand doves of illumination
I see the crystal clear eyes of awareness welcoming me home

Deciding not to judge is very different from surrendering judgment
The bloody talons of self-criticism and doubt that slash at my soul melt into the exquisite arms of
surrender. Sinking deeper and deeper – held forever by nothingness
I no longer need to understand all I know now is…

I am beautiful, I am amazing, I am not separate, I am not alone, I am special – as are you
A unique part in the continuum of humanity. I am love
I am dark, I am light, I am wrong, I am right, I am black, I am white
I have nothing to prove – to myself or anyone else
nowhere to go, nothing to get, nothing to judge, nothing to see, nothing to find, nothing to be

I am all the things I sometimes pretended to be, I am all the things I thought I was, I am all the things I hoped I was, I am all I will become, I am all I prayed you believed I was, I am all of that and so much more yet I am nothing.
I am all I need. I am me.
I am Avatar.

©Karen McCreadie 2003